whyy??

lately i have became even more emotional that i have ever been before;;
prom is saturday and yes we are struggling with no money and then i have to worry about taking my military entrence test on tuesday after a 3 day weekend and then the fact that school is coming to an end for me and i still dont have everything ready i am starting to slack in school and since i missed four days for my grandpas funeral i cant exempt any of my semester exams so my senior year i have to take tests that i havent gotten ready for because i have major senioritis and have no motivation to do anything anymore because i hate my school and i have been through enough;;

i have been missing the fact that i cant just drive to my grandpa and say lets go fishing out on the boat and do all the things that we used to do and say i love you anymore;; the last words i heard from him to me was "I love you too" and it still gets to me more and more;;

with the school year winding down it makes me think about one of my best friends in the whole world and how the "Tarkington Curse" took two very good guys and one of them my steven and whyy must god take him away knowing that we all wanted him here and then i thought;; Maybe steven did all he needed to do and that was change alot of people;;

then years later i wish i still had my aunt here to help me get ready for my SENIOR prom and then watch me graduate along with my sister getting married;; a happy time for all of us but god needed my aunt and uncle more than i did becuase he needed someone to smile and brighten the day;;;

i love my life and my friends because if it wasnt for them i dont know where or what i would do right now or how i would keep moving forward without breaking down.;;



especially jessica (jleigh2011.blogspot.com) she has been there with me through everything;; and you dont understand what we have gone through to get here and i love that girl with all my might;;


Chelsie is another one that just puts a smile on my face just with anything she says and i know that she goes through so much to be so young but thats going to make her strong in the end;;


well i think im done venting for now i feel alot better : )